Playing with Mortals
by obsidians
Summary: Genesis and Minerva are celebrating her birthday and Genesis decides to give her a present by making Reno change is speech pattern and not be able to lie to women.


Minerva and Genesis had had a wee bit too much of powerful spirits to enjoy her birthday. "You want another darling?" he asked her.

"I really shouldn't", she slurred. "But of course" she said and then slapped his butt as he bent over to pour them their drinks, they could have had them delivered with just a thought but they liked their alone time. He grinned back at her, outside of armour, Minerva was a demur seeming; a true academic that just lacked the nerdy glasses that she didn't need. She dressed for comfort when not in her usual guise and wore her hair in a ponytail. However, he really did like when she let it down….

"Wanna watch some Gaia?" he asked her, hooking his arm around her slim waist.

"Sure" she said flopping on the couch beside him and he turned on the "TV".

"Who do you want to watch?" he asked her.

"I'm in Reno mood" she slurred.

"Oh, the other Ginger who has your eye?" he said sourly with a frown marring his pretty face.

"Don't be jealous. He just cracks me up" she said as she cuddled against her lover.

"I bet I can get him to crack you up all the more" Genesis said with a fiendish grin.

"What do you have in mind, concubine?" she asked him.

"I prefer, almost a demi-god" he returned.

"Not even close, but I do have a fondness for you as you keep me entertained" she said, reminding him of his place even when intoxicated.

"Okay, Reno's greatest points are what a smooth flirt he is and an accomplished liar. I say we even the field" Genesis suggested.

"By doing what?" Minerva asked and Genesis just gestured to the screen where Reno was just walking into Seventh Heaven.

"By speaking as an academic scholar and unable to lie to anyone as he himself writhes in shame" he said.

"Oooooh bring it on" Minerva said.

Reno walked into the bar meaning to say to everyone present "Yo what's up? The beauty has entered the building. Hey ladies can I buy you a drink and then rock your worlds all night long?" Instead he said: "Good evening friends and colleagues in our journeys through life. I am a fine specimen of manhood that wishes to introduce myself to those that I haven't met before. I wish you all to know I tend to flaunt my chest at you; I assure it has nothing to do with over compensation for having a small penis. Quite the contrary, I am fairly well endowed and tend to veer to the left. Good evening ladies, might I be permitted to buy you a fermented vegetable drink that might lower your inhabitations enough so that you share your body with me despite the fact I claim I will call you but never do? It's not my fault that your conversations are hardly stimulating. However, I guess you must all view me as being like a slot machine; if you keep on putting out, I shall fall for you. Ludicrous!" Reno said and blushed when the very music seemed to stop and every pair of frosty eyes seemed to turn his way while crickets chirped in an ominous way.

Reno himself blushed as red as his hair as he registered what he said. "What the fuck, what the hell am I saying?" Which translated to: "Pardon my boorish manners, I certainly mean no offense. Alas I am the sad case of having an absentee father, who when he was around, treated my mother like cobblestones he trod upon. That is no excuse for the way I treat the fairer sex but the only one I can offer. However, I will admit that I certainly do take advantage of that many times over" he said as his inner voice shrieked in humiliation.

His answer was more frosty glares as drinks of all types colours were thrown at him with sympathy in their eyes and his formerly white shirt looked like it had been tie dyed.

"I wouldn't fuck you if you were the last man alive!" A blonde snarled.

"Fair enough, I am rather a lothario when it comes to women" he admitted.

"What the hell is going on?" Tifa asked at the mess on her floor.

"Blame Reno acting weird" a brunette railed at her.

"What have you done now: played tune- in-Wutai? Made those wearing white t-shirts play bobbing for invisible apples?" she snapped at him with derision in her voice with her hands planted on her hips.

"No, he's just acting weird" another blonde explained.

"How so?" Tifa asked him.

"Ah Tifa, you truly are a nugget of gold amongst these common pebbles" Reno said with a sigh in his voice, causing more drinks to be heaved at him when they bristled at the word "common".

"You know pal, we're still here. The ones you _actually_ sleep with" another girl raged.

"Yes but Tifa is an exception, she's a resourceful woman who rises above any occasion. I have nothing for respect for her and I blush like a school maiden at the thought of even kissing her fingertips. I know she is far too good for the likes of me. She's in an obsessive-compulsive relationship but I have always thought if she would get over it, she I might get together. She's the perfect combination of being a lady and warrior who would defend our children from any danger that might befall them.

"Shut up" Tifa hissed at him while his expression was decidedly sappy while his inner voice screamed in protest. "Children" she asked him with a frown.

"As many as you like. I have this property I bought, it's a farm house on the edge of town that I always thought if I left the Turks, I would retire to. I bought it with you in mind, you once told me the elements you wanted in a place and I found it. It's a fixer upper and would need a woman's touch. We could move in tomorrow if you want. There's plenty of space for our children" he said taking her hands.

"Really?" Tifa squeaked.

"That's so romantic" a woman said as she wiped her happy tears with a hanky while the real Reno cringed inside and Tifa looked at him in a new way.

"It has a white picket fence with a garden in front with an herb garden off the kitchen?" Tifa asked him.

"They are already in place and we have a choice of private school or public, both are close. " he said staring at her in a loving way.

"I can marry you right now, I'm ordained online" a blonde said standing up.

"Will you marry me?" Reno said in a decidingly sappy voice getting down on one knee and bending over her hand. The real Reno was shrieking in protest over this and fainted at the saccharine overload.

"Of course I will. We will need rings and a wedding gown. I have those upstairs" she causally said going to get ready.

The blonde, who was actually Minerva in disguise married them while Reno's former lovers wept at how beautiful the ceremony. The bride looked a picture in her pristine and tasteful gown with her hair pinned up and under her wedding veil while her groom looked like a clown in his colourful shirt and stiff, half saturated spikes. They drove away with old cans and shoes tied to the bumper of his SUV and a "just married" hastily scrawled on the back of his vehicle.

He drove them to the farm house and carried her up the stairs. "You've made me so happy my Beloved. Shall I have that as your moniker from now on?" he asked her as her set her on the billowy duvet.

"I have a confession to make. I've never had sex before" she said in a nervous voice.

"Have the goddess being hearing my prayers? I should shout my joy to the heavens themselves that you are an untouched virgin. I love you for it all the more. Come let me worship you and make you a woman" Reno said as he went to kiss her. He lovingly coaxed her out of her wedding dress as she lay beneath him wearing only her blushes as he wove a web of praises to her beauty as his hands worked his magic on her and she was more than ready as she opened to him like a shyly blooming rose as he lovingly parted her hymen. There was a single drop of blood that fell on the sheets beneath them and a slight pained moan from her that was soothed away by him until her body caught fire as she caught his rhythm and they moved in time.

The next morning Reno sat up with a cry at his horrible dream. He shivered it seemed so real. "Honey bunny, are you okay?" Tifa asked him as she caressed his back. This caused him to freeze.

"Tifa what the fuck is going on, yo" he demanded leaping out of bed.

"We're married silly; you really swept me off my feet with your flowery words. Dearest are you okay?" she asked him when he groaned and buried his face in his hands.

"Come back to bed" she said stretching and looking at him in a significant way and he actually blushed at her desiring him.

"I don't know…." He stammered.

"Don't you want me?" she asked him and this gave him pause, he didn't know what had gotten into him the night before but he had always thought that if he lived a normal life and had a typical job, he would marry a woman like Tifa, if not Tifa herself and he had told her everything about his secret desires! He admired: her fighting spirit, strong sense of justice, compassionate nature and powerful mind, there was so much about her to respect...but what was he going to tell his TURKS?" he thought in a panic. "I have to go into work" he said hastily dressing in his uniform and still stained shirt.

"But we just married and I haven't a thing to wear but my wedding gown and I no longer qualify to wear white" she said as she sat up and let the blankets slip to her waist and he froze at this and then turned when the doorbell rang. But how? No one knew about the house. He thought.

"I wonder who is at the door" Tifa said getting up and wrapping a sheet around herself. "I'll go see what is in the kitchen to eat. You really made me work up an appetite last night" she said as she wrapped her arms around him before departing.

"I'll get the door….dearest" he squeaked after her and answered the door to find no one there but a three gaily wrapped presents, a couple of packed bags he recognized as belonging to himself and two large coffees and a pastry box with a note on top. Reno heard a helicopter start up and looked to where Tseng was piloting it and Elena cheerfully waved at him. He read the note that wished him joy in his new marriage, gave him two weeks off for a honeymoon on a private island estate donated by Rufus, where they had already packed for them both and that breakfast was on them. "It seems clothes and breakfast is here" he called to Tifa, who cheerfully appeared wearing her toga. She was still cheerful as she opened the presents and exclaimed over each one as she drank her coffee and dove into the pastries like she had never eaten before.

When they were done eating, she got up "shall we spend the morning in bed before we go on our honeymoon?" she asked him, letting the blanket fall from her and he internally shrugged and picked her up and took her back to bed. He decided he had better to keep her no matter what brought him to this state. She was gorgeous and the only woman he would ever consider marrying to the point he bought this place with her in mind. He hadn't ever told her that she was named as his beneficiary on his life insurance policy at work as he was an orphan and had no one else to put in it. Besides, divorces were expensive and he could easily support them both. He was resigned to being faithful to her as well, her friends were a scary lot and one a demon infested ex-TURK who could literally make sure his body was never found if he strayed.

"That was so…., you just transformed Reno-The-Stud into a family man for nothing more then to provide shits and giggles for me. I love you" Minerva said and laughed in a way that had her whole belly heaving with mirth and Genesis joined in, happy to have slipped the bonds of Gaia to join his only love. She needed entertaining and he never ran out of ideas.


End file.
